“Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn out its 7 pillars.”
There are 7 standards to a healthy relationship: Love, Honor/Respect, Self-Control, Responsibility, Truth, Faith & Vision.
So I am taking this premarital course written by Danny Silk, one of Bethel’s associate pastors. It is amazing. Course, I am not getting married… yet. I figure that if I learn all these lessons now, then I can make a better informed decision about who to allow to pursue me in the future. Here are a tiny bit of my notes…
If you don’t learn these 7 pillars, you will instead learn to be fabulous frauds in the church & in your marriage.
The CORE of a healthy relationship is that you can be you no matter what is going on, or where you are (Responsibility). In order to have a healthy relationship we need healthy goals: Safety & Connection.
LOVE – Unconditional acceptance communicates that you get to be you & I get to be me.
HONOR – (Respect = Freedom!) is the currency of heaven; the result of honor is that you feel powerful around me, we engage together. With respect I can trust that you will do whats best for us.
SELF CONTROL – (Fruit of the Holy Spirit!) I manage me no matter what you are doing or not doing. I will never blame you for how I treat you or communicate with you. Proverbs 25:28
RESPONSIBILITY – I must respond to the situations in my life, anticipate life & be prepared for it. I need a plan for what I am going to do or say no matter what you choose to do. (I have a plan when you are disrespectful to me, I will never blame you for the words I use, actions I make, or distance I create… because I am responsible for my response.)
TRUTH – I will courageously show you who I am even when I am afraid. Truth sets us free, free to be ourselves around each other. (If you think you are married to a psycho-path… you attract who you are, not what you want.) The lack of trust says more about you than it does the person you don’t trust.
FAITH – We must have a supernatural supply of love & forgiveness. God is my supply & you are my target! You need to learn how to create intimacy without sex, or you won’t be able to have intimacy without sex.
VISION – Any relationship has to have a purpose. Plan out your relationship’s purpose, how far can you see? Plan for 120 years!
ENDING GOAL: Peace, Hope & Joy! (if you are missing any one of the above 7 pillars, these 3 things will slip out of your relationship)
Accountability is limited to what you will allow someone to address in your life.
I have a committment to being a healthy person – no matter what you do. I don’t control you, nor will I ever try & you don’t control me, and if you ever try…
Healthy people do NOT work well in unhealthy environments. (Jesus created so many problems they killed him for it!) For example, a marriage where both are alcoholics. An alcoholiage. One gets cleaned up & wants nothing to do with alcohol anymore… there will be severe friction & less tolerance from the healthy side to the continued alcoholic in that marriage. Health wants nothing to do with sickness.
The result in your healing is FREEDOM! Do what ever you can to get free, no matter the cost. Jesus Christ is & will ever be the only answer.